Gardening?!

What on earths happening to me....I've started to garden!

I create plans for the garden, buy plants, nurture(?)them, and get upset if something happens to them. If I see anyone touch them I will cut you! Here's my tips for starting to garden if you're as sad as me...or as cool XD

1. Get rid of weeds...well try atleast. Stupid weeds, I didn't ask you to be in the garden but noooooo you decided to get your roots deep and spread your fluffy poncy seeds around, and/or prickle me to death. Evil plants.
2. By some nice seeds/bulbs.
As it says on the back of the pack of bulbs...don not eat the ornamental bulbs. Are these bulbs you put on your mantle piece, pride of place with it's oniony resemblance? Or are they the same bulbs you put in the ground? Or light bulbs? Don't eat light bulbs, they are made of glass and it's kind of obvious not to eat them.
3. If you have bulbs, whack 'em in the ground. Seeds put them in a pot in the house to give them a chance to germinate (oohhh get me remembering science I did in year 5)
Don't forget to water them, else they shrivel. Shoots of lupins are ridiculously cute and I'm not sure why. I will protect them with my life...hear that Mr. Fox in the backgarden if you crush them feel the wrath!
4. Wait
5. Wait some more.
6. Plant the shoots in the garden.
7. Water
8. wait
9. Water
10. You get the picture
11. PRETTY FLOWERS :D
12. ...erm not sure I haven't got that far yet.

Well enjoy summer! Sorry if you have hayfever.

Eyjafjallajokull

Ok, I know I'm a tad bit late writing about it, but I saw it written down and I take it as a challenge to say it. In the an article it tries how to explain how to say it.

Ay-ya fyatla yo cook.

How in anyway does that resemble Eyjafjallajokull.
Apparently in Icelandic sometimes double L's can either be said as a K or a T...hmmm makes 'sense'. Too much effort to say it so it's sticking as the crazy Icelandic volcano that annoyed the aeroplanes.

Sarah Jane Mysteries

I've already done a Dr Who rant so I'd thought I'd do one on the spin-off series Sarah Jane Mysteries.
1. Social services
How have social services not got wind of Sarah Jane taking minors out to fight evil aliens... she even lets her own 'son' join in. Let alone social services, how have the other childrens parents not noticed, well Maria's dad in the first series noticed and was ok with it all, but surely the others won't.
2. Luke
She just found him in an alien lab that was making evil fizzy pop. Why didn't people make more of a fuss when he just appeared at this strange womans house?
3. Sonic lipstick
Just no. Why oh why would it be a lipstick?
4. U.N.I.T and Torchwood
How have these major organisations not noticed the activities of Sarah Jane, surely they would have noticed the computer Mr. Smith sooner or later. I'd like to see the episode where U.N.I.T troops storm in.
5. K.9
I was quite sad when he was cooped up in a cupboard fighting the blackhole. But I'm happy know, especially when he has arguments with Mr. Smith :)

Other than that I'm happy with the show.

Hello Ms. Screamy Fox

Don't you hate the noise foxes make...just too creepy. I thought someone was hurt outside last night...buuut no. It was a fox on the canal screaming for about 15 minutes. It just didn't shut up, and guess what? Another one joined in. Fun. I used to like foxes, them being cute and all...and owning some internet. But now I don't, why can't they have a happy call that would make people smile. Robins mark their territory with a nice song, but foxes, no, they have to scream in the middle of the night.

Was quite funny when me and my mom went outside to see if we could see it. We got scared when we heard it rustling somewhere...we didn't want to get attacked by a crazed fox in the night, so we ran inside.

If the fox wakes me up again, there will be trouble because I'll go tell it's mom.

Why is the biscuit so sad?

I opened a bag of biscuits and low and behold there was a sad and depressed biscuit. Why was it so sad? Was it the prospect of being eaten? Was it the fact that the chocolate had melted slightly? Or was it sad for it's lost biscuit family? Just the lookof it put me off eating it....look at it's pleading eyes. But I ate it anyway. :) yum...but not as nice as digestives.

I decided to make happy food and the only food I was allowed to draw on was a tangerine. Firstly the happy tangerine :)


Then a replica of that happy smiley face thing.


And finally anime face (Ichigo Kurosaki because it's orange)


Shows how I productive I am with my time.

Hayley

Hayley has left the blog....such a sad day when the fellow blogger leaves the nest and starts a seperate blog. Ok wasn't her fault, the website shouldn't have hated her computer for a start and forced her to get her own. Evil internet :( Well it's just me now...oh and please follow
an-assortment-of-things.blogspot.com
please because thats Hayley now.

I think I'm Dr Who biased

I have issues with the new Dr Who series, this may be because the older series has made me incredibally biased.
1. The theme tune
What on earth have they done to it!!! I admit I used to get excited when I heard the older version...like when they played it at the V festival for some reason last year, I got really excited! But now it's unrecognisable, I don't like the change...sorry. It sounds nothing like the old one and I can't sing along to it any more.
2. Green sonic screwdriver
Just no.
3. The new TARDIS
I don't actually mind it, it's not that bad so I'll move on.
4. Amy Pond
At first I kind of liked her character, she seemed fun and quirky. But now! She's kind of irritating. For a start she knows too much too quickly. Why didn't Winston Churchill question her clothes? (Queen Victoria pointed out what Rose was wearing) Why did she act all cocky to the daleks? Why didn't she bother to change out of a nightie (which the Dr was clearly perving on when he was holding her out of the TARDIS by her foot)and the robot mans Scottish too, so what, lots of people are Scottish. Grrr
5. Rainbow daleks
WHAT ON EARTH....sorry WHAT ON SKARO!! I don't like them either...as Hayley pointed out, they look like Power Rangers. I was actually upset when they killed the proper daleks (how cute where they with their little bags and can I have one that brings me tea too?)They look too big, like they've eaten too much....do daleks eat?
6. What's with the cracks?
I know they'll explain later, but it's just irritating.
7. Ew creepy robot things that have different faces
They make me want to cry.
8. It's not David Tennant
That's the main thing I don't like. He acted in such a way that I empathised with. I felt sorry that he was the last Time Lord, I felt sorry for him when old enemies returned, when he lost lovers/companians. But so far I don't care about the new one, I'm like...meh. Not blaming the actor, he's growing on me a bit, but when the storylines seem to rush through the plot...it's hard to get used to a character. And what is he wearing....just no, think of the children. Bow tie! Elbow pads! Tweed! I don't approve, that's not cool, he atleast needs a decorative vegetable in his lapel. I also miss the flapping of a large coat when the Dr runs, it's just not as dramatic. Flappy flappy running...flapping squared when Captain Jack is involved. The running is too quiet in this series.

I'm sad now and going to watch some past episodes on DVD. Goodnight x

Surviving A Horror Movie

It’s really quite simple. In fact, it’s mostly common sense, but characters in films appear to all be under the belief that living in a house that was once the sight of a graveyard will work out perfectly with no repercussions from vengeful spirits.

And maybe it would, if your life wasn’t scripted and a camera crew weren’t following you around. Just in case this happens to you, or in fact, you’re just slightly worried about living on land where satanic rituals used to be performed, then give this the once-over.

1. “You moved the headstones, but you didn’t move the bodies!” Poltergeist 1982                                                                  First things first (makes sense). If you’re moving house it’s best to make sure that it has no affiliation whatsoever with cemeteries, churches or mass murder/suicide – especially when the person committing the murders went mad, it’s usually a sure sign of possession, and you will be next.        Do you really need to move house? That is the question.
2. “We’ll tear your soul apart!” Hellraiser 1987                       Now before you go solving any mysterious puzzles or reading from books that you didn’t find in or around the regular parts of the library it’s in your best interests to research where these came from. You don’t want to be opening up a portal into hell or raising hoards of the undead now, do you?          If in doubt on where to begin your research find someone suffering from a haunting or possession – they are brilliant researchers.
3. “I killed him…”  “But you can’t kill the boogeyman!” Halloween 1978                                                                               You can’t kill anything if you’re going to stab it once in the neck and then fall around a lot with relief. This is something that often has been walking after you at a leisurely pace while you heart is threatening to burst from your chest running around the place at 50mph… and still catches up with you when you come up against a locked door.                             Once they are down decapitation is the only way forward, and then it’s wise to keep the head very far from the body. Regeneration is not beyond the crazed killer.
4. “You see, Jason was my son, and today is his birthday…” Friday The 13th 1980                                                      Sometimes killing them isn’t enough, you have to take out the whole family. If you have survived one round of mass murder then don’t be surprised when relatives come calling after revenge, or if the original killer tracks you down again – I told you, decapitation is the only way.
5. “What an excellent day for an exorcism.” The Exorcist 1973     Don’t think all your problems have been solved because you’ve found yourself a priest to rid your house/relative of any remaining demons. Most priests, believe it or not, do not actually know how to perform an exorcism; their skills are based more in the sermon department nowadays. Even when the exorcism is over it’s a million to one shot that the demon is gone. You have to burn that house down and move country.
6. “Hi, I’ve got an appointment with Mr. Ullman. My name is Jack Torrance.” The Shining 1980                                               Never baby-sit, never house-sit and certainly never Overlook Hotel-sit. Another point of importance is to rid yourself of any alcoholic acquaintances. The alcoholics are a weakness and very often end up going mad before the rest of us. If they’re not trying to kill you, they’re hunting you down for a drink.

A few important notes:

Don’t run upstairs, really… where are you going to go?

Even if they were once your best friend, if they’ve been bitten they WILL become a zombie, kill them.

The closet you own with the slatted wood? Sharp objects of various description can be stabbed through the gaps, don’t hide in there.

Never, and I repeat NEVER drive along the American highways where there is no life for miles around, and all in-between has resorted to cannibalism for food or torture as a source of entertainment because they don’t get cable way out there.

And hitchhikers? I shake my head at you. Just keep driving.

Hayley’s Picture A Day

 

It’s official, the computer, and I’m almost certain the entire Internet, is against me.

Personally though, I think I’m making up for the last few days by having a picture… of a picture. That’s technically two pictures in one.

By Peter Smith, but not the Peter Smith that is my father.

These dudes are just too cute not to get involved. It’s not actually wonky, but the chair was in the way and I was in no mood for climbing.

Over and Out.

Hayley's Picture A Day

Today was surprisingly busy after I had been promised a day of utter boredom and I've decided hell to it, there shall be more than one picture a day... if I have actually remembered to take any.
It really sets the standards for the many days ahead of us.

First off, the flanimals.



There are three rats but Sherlock was eating after creating the clever diversion.

But Humphrey is still very much Lord of the Manor.



I have terrible hayfever and risked my sinuses to take some decent pictures of the evil flowers in Dobbie's Garden Centre.

Ninja boy and the screaming child

Ok the title makes it sound like i'm going to talk about a pretty cool new film, but no....i'm not. No, it's the people you find in a family pub around dinner time on a friday evening. First thing you notice is that several babies appear to be having a screaming contest and there seems to be no end in the competition, only if they actually leave the pub would they stop. The child on the table next to us seemed to have the upper hand with a high pitched squeal every so often that made everyone in the vicinity flinch.

Next is the very angry toddler that insists on lying down on the chairs shouting at his older sister who is dragging him off the chairs...he tires of this and starts running around the waiters feet and learning about skeletons (or skelingtons as he calls them) from an older reletive trying to shut him up. Later on he has found some crayons and an activity sheet to play with and has decided to do these perched precariously on his chair and leaning over to the table, this causes discussions to be made about if he falls...he doesn't thankfully as he would have needed new teeth if he had.

Whilst that is happening children at another table have decided to knee slide across the carpet (carpet?! knee slide?! does this kid not realise that he'll get carpet burn!?) infront of the waiters again. This could only end badly, but thankfully no food was harmed, or waiters, or children. Those waiters have pretty good skills in avoiding feral children. One of the adults shouts blackcurrant for some reason at the top of his voice and this explains the childrens behavior because if i lived in a household where random fruits were shouted i would run around too.

Finally is the brilliant ninja kid. Out of nowhere a flash of colour appears and it jumps down the stairs and disappears, then reappears sitting down at the table with his parents. How he managed this is impossible to tell as he seemed to teleport from place to place all with a happy look on his face.....and a rather snazzy biker jacket on. But he disappeared again :( and this time with his family of ninjas and replaced with an equally stealthy family with some very bored looking people who wished they were anywhere else but in the same situation we were in.

Irrelevant note:
The only supernatural things on Most Haunted are Julian Cleggs ears.

The Dangers Of The Apps

This really applies to all apps.
However I don't own an iPhone, so I can only lump them in with the others, but I can say I'm glad I don't possess one. I have nothing against them, but I'm having a hard enough time with the Blackberry and Facebook apps.
That is my phone and computer taken over. My two favourite methods of relative distant communication - my messenger pigeon is currently unavailable - disrupted by perfect addictiveness.
I have an addictive personality. Not... you can't get addicted to me, I rank right there with the cabbage, but I get addicted to games and other smiliar things easily.
My new addiction is the app.

Originally I thought about writing a survival guide, but what good would that be coming from me when I am addicted? I would only lead you wrong. I currently have an app open in another tab AS I TYPE. You would no sooner come to me for a survival guide on addictive apps then you would go to McDonald's and ask for a 14-day Diet Plan.
So instead I will write a preventative guide.

1. Don't get Facebook. That nips that one right in the bud. I understand a lot of your friends may have it and/or you may have already created one and I can only say this: it's only a matter of time. I too scoffed at the thought of owning any of these apps, but here I sit anyway.
2. Don't you hate all those posts about people needing extra building supplies for their farm, or giving away 100 cheesecakes that you can't eat? And who in their right mind would give away 100 cheesecakes anyway? Don't be the cause of these posts.
3. So you don't have to post these things and all your friends own a farm/cafe/island/zoo and you feel you must have one too. STOP! All your friends had facebook too, didn't they? And you created one, didn't you? Look where that's got you so far.
4. You don't own a farm/cafe/island/zoo and can't reap the rewards, that little person on the screen does. That is not fair.
5. The fear of rejection when no one wants to be your neighbour. Don't drag your friends into the same mess by inviting them, think about the lives they are leading and the fact they actually leave the house occasionally without the aid of an invitation to an 'event' that you can't go to anyway because you have to stay in and watch over the farm.

1. Don't get a Blackberry. Half the apps you have to pay for with REAL MONEY! None of that virtual money you have become accustomed to on the Facebook apps. Your actual money.
2. Your phone needs its precious memory to hold more important things like your millions of messages, photos and songs. Be nice to your phone, because its ability to phone people will be the thing that helps you out in the middle of the night on a country road when you have broken down, not that app which tells you the prices of local resturants. Those apps will leave you little more than axe-murderer fodder.

So maybe you're not convinced - I know I'm not.
I do know this though... I will get bored of these apps and the crops will wither, the food will rot, the island will be ripped apart in a hurricane and the animals will perish.
Don't let it happen.
An app is not just for the boring times, it's for life.


Final Irrelevant Note: Don't watch Marley & Me. It is the sad-maker to Mentos' fresh-making.

werewolf in cannock chase?

The other day on the One show I heard there were werewolf sightings in Cannock Chase. I was surprised to hear that as I don't live too far from there and it was the first i had ever heard of this. Now, I want this werewolf i think he would make a nice pet and me and Hayley are going to catch it. Here is our plan:
1. Bait
We shall use Humphrey (Hayley's dog) as bait, he's pleasant enough and will sit there looking cool with a scarf on. Seeing as werewolves are basically wolf and man they will be attracted to a scarf wearing dog, the human will be drawn to the snazzy attire and the wolf will be attracted to the dog. If not it's amusing for us to dress the dog with people clothes.
Plan B for bait, if Humphrey doesn't work we will try foods. Cookies, pancakes (seeing as it's almost pancake day), steak and lasagne. I have chosen foods we like because I don't want a werewolf that is a complete opposite to me because that would never work, arguments would start over food and I can't deal with that.
2. Capture
a classic butterfly net will be our method of capture. If it's good enough to catch those sneaky little butterflies it's good enough to catch a mythical creature. But even if that doesn't work (but shh it will) there is always the box propped up by a stick.
3. Looking after your werewolf
Werewolves are sensitive creatures that are very self-conscious about their appearance. They require daily grooming and alot of praise. You don't want a depressed werewolf, they're far too large to mope in a corner, so praise such as "oooh what lovely fur" , and "what lovely mauling your doing there" is essential to keep a werewolf happy. Also it is advisable to change the end of Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs to keep your werewolf happy.